Ruminations, Musings and Other Stuff…

Honestly, when my phone busted recently I dreaded not having a cell phone. Mel and I got rid of our land line a LONG time ago and having just the cell phone has worked, for the most part, just fine. So when that connection was lost, well, I was a little stressed. I changed my voicemail to tell folks to call Mel’s cell, I updated the sites and hoped that what limited communication that Mel and I had with the outside world, would be able to deal with whatever catastrophes came our way.

But that’s coming from a decidedly “glass half empty” version of myself. Facts are, when it came right down to it, I felt somewhat liberated.

Let me explain…

See, I’ve always been a somewhat neurotically introverted person. But I’m a mental quandary all the same. While I deeply need to hear from the people that I love dearly, it’s the unknown contact that I loathe. I hate being interrupted from just about anything I am not being paid to do. So you can see why I have this odd love-hate relationship with phones.

While I feel the dire need to be able to be contacted at any time, I sometimes really hate being contacted.

If you’re confused, trust me, so am I.

All I can say is that when you are me, and that phone option is taken away from you when you have absolutely zero control of the situation, a wonderful quietude falls around you. It’s like heading to the mountains for a week knowing FULL well that any wiz-bang technology that you can put into your pocket doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of working properly. It’s when that option is taken away from you, that I’ve discovered that I, as a person, am divided into one of two camps. In either camp, you sigh, and that sigh is either of relief, or frustration and utter anxiety.

I was surprised (honestly, I truly was…) that I found solace and calm in the former. Of course I worried about “what could’ve happened”, but really, how often does “what could’ve happened” actually “happen”.

Wait… actually… don’t answer that.

It’s the weekend folks!! Get up! Get out! Get Happy!

It’s a fact that you will make decisions in life that, no matter how good intentioned they are or seem to be at the time, will blow up in your face.

A couple of weeks ago a friend at work mentioned that he had a buddy that tried some lemon detox fast which involved drinking this lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper cocktail for 5 days straight, forsaking all solid food. Yeah, I know, “What are you fricking crazy!?!?!?”

Apparently so.

In all seriousness I’d been thinking of detoxing for a while. I’ve treated my body like a dumping ground for decades now and it’s finally showing signs of wear and tear. So, the way that I figured it is that I would get a jump start on cleaning my insides up by doing this fast and then I’d follow up with as much of an honest diet as possible, avoiding the junk as it came my way.

Well, I started it today and was on it for about 12 hours before I needed something other than this super sweet beverage that I had the next 5 days to look forward to. I was actually fine for most of the day when around 1pm a tidal wave of nausea hit me hard and my insides cramped up. It was the taste and the consistency that was making me ill, and I just couldn’t let myself barf at work. Aside from the acute embarrassment that would follow, I promised Mel that I wouldn’t hurt myself through this science experiment.

Pushing myself to vomit in a public place was definitely a big red check in that box.

For the record, Melinda was definitely against me doing this. She was concerned for my well being and I should’ve been doing the same. I figured it would be a mental challenge at best and that even though I was out of shape, I was still healthier than most guys I knew. I thought my body could hack it. But, even though I researched it pretty good, it was definitely the physical aspects of the detox that did me in.

In a word… or two… ok, make it three: not worth it! I’m gonna make the same changes by tweaking my current diet, which’ll make the process much slower, but much healthier at the same time. When Mel cooks and I “help”, we cook super healthy meals so, we’ll just push to do more of that, more often.

So, there you have it! A well intentioned decision that ended up being one horrible idea. Now my stomach is pretty jacked up and Mathias and I are having sympathetic intestinal patterns. It feels like it’s running it’s course though.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day!

Here’s to an uneventful night sleep!

Tad

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Now playing: Roddy Woomble - Every Line Of A Long Moment
via FoxyTunes

The Tobacco District is an interesting little oasis in the concrete jungle of Durham. Part of Durham’s restoration project, it sits right across from ball park. What used to be old brick buildings that manufactured cigarettes, have all been gutted and changed into fancy restaurants, uber posh offices, and a place to sit in the sun that is just, well, it’s wonderful really. Durham isn’t the nicest place to hang out and admire the scenery, but they are definitely making an honest effort in many sections of it, and this definitely one place where it’s all paid off. Just a great place chill out and do some writing, reading, or just people watch.

Highly recommended.

I’m currently waiting for my sister Tess so we can get a beer (or 3) at Tyler’s Pub before we catch a Bulls game with the rents tonight. It’s still hot as hell out, my shirt’s soaked through, my pants are sticking to my legs, and my forehead won’t stop dripping.

Still, I can tell that summer is finally starting to eye the exit and one thing is for sure: I simply can’t wait for fall.

Now that we’ve a logged a night under the stars, I yearn for more. I think and hope that we can get some more hiking and camping under our belts this year. The nights have been cooler, the breezes have been more forgiving and the leaves are changing color (albeit because of the drought). It just feels like it’s changing over.

Now, if we could only get some damn rain! This area is just hurting horribly; everything is so dry. It saddens me to see Mother Nature so confused this year. Everything is so out of whack, the middle of the country is drowning and everywhere else is dieing of thirst.

Like I said, autumn and winter can’t get here quick enough!

But, for now, I’ll enjoy these last few ball games and embrace the days while they’re still long.

Because before you know it, they’ll be gone.

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Now playing: Cloud Cult - Pretty Voice
via FoxyTunes

That light at the end of the tunnel…

I used think it was train.  But that was back in my “glass half-empty” days.  No, this light shows promise.  A promise of something better than the here and now, not that the here is so terrible, or the now really.  It’s just that when you’re not happy with your life situation like Mel and I currently are, everything seems worse than it actually is.  Most folks would be happy with where we are at and chide us for not being ecstatic about it.

But we’re not.  And no, I don’t mean we’re unhappy with each other, our marriage, or anything having to do with “us”.  That’s about the one thing we’ve always done incredibly well :D!  That’s forever.  What I’m talking about is the life we’ve lived and how we’ve effected the world around us.

Most of the unhappiness stems from mistakes that were our own making.  Like, say for instance, buying a home in a part of the state (a state that we LOVE by the way) that we could really care less for.  It will probably be the best investment that we’ve ever made, but we’re pretty sad here living in suburbia.  We used to think that that is where we needed to be.  We were sadly mistaken.

“Ok, so you hate it there.  Why not move?”

Good question, and a fair one at that.  When we moved down here we created a tidy amount of debt.  I didn’t get a job for a while and when our savings petered out we had to eat on the credit cards.  It wasn’t for very long, but it was long enough to dig a hole that we couldn’t crawl out of in our typical speedy fashion.  Then we bought a house with all the best intentions, and, as I’m sure you imagined, that hole got deeper.  It wasn’t until a few years later that we realized we were heading in the complete opposite direction from where our hearts wanted and needed us to be.

We’re definitely back on track, but the damage is already done.  It’s a riot really.  Currently, combined, we are making the most money we’ve ever made.  And yet we’ve financially hog-tied ourselves into living a life that resembles something much less prosperous.  We’re finally getting it under control but man are there ups and downs.  The tricky part has been to NOT anesthetize the depressing times with more consumerism.  We’ve learned, long and hard, that that practice only brings on more of the worst.  Though it does feel just awesome for a little while doesn’t it ;)?  Seriously for about a year or three, we dealt with our seemingly hopeless situation by essentially ignoring it.  Or, at least ignoring the answer.

The point is this, the sheer amount of times your heart will beat, are minute in the grand scheme of things.  Our lifetime is just a drop in the bucket.  So why should you spend this comparatively brief existence not doing what makes you happy?  And I’m not talking about the kind of happiness that ice cream, a nice gift, money or a fancy car can bring you.  I’m talking about those moments that contain gravity and inertia. The kind of moments that move you, both emotionally and physically.  The kind of moments that push you into motion, but also cause you to stop and sit still.  When you do find those moments, you know, the ones that don’t leave you when you wake up the next day, week, month or year, definitely hold on to them tightly.  Because they are trying to tell you something, and, chances are, it’s something important.

It took a lot of fumbling through our day to day to realize that Mel and I weren’t happy for a reason.  We’ve duped ourselves into so many situations that we we’ve become the masters of “mp3 therapy” “shopping therapy” “computer gadget therapy” or… well, you get the idea.  We’ve learned that there are thousands of ways to make ourselves happy, ecstatic even, but only for short bursts of time.  But that  those moments are fleeting and, if you’re not careful, they can amount to the grande sum of your entire life.

For some, that is truly enough, but I’d bet for most it isn’t.  So what we did, is we took a look deep down inside each other and took hold of those little glimmers that stayed with us for a while or forever up until now.  We put them together, added a dash of hope, a pinch of serendipity, a spoonful ambition and a heaping cup of chance.

We now have a plan.  We now see that light at the end of the tunnel.

And for the first time ever, we absolutely know it isn’t a train.

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Now playing: Okkervil River - Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe
via FoxyTunes