Oct 21 2007
The Nun
The Chopping Block: The Nun
By: Thaddeus C. Hunt
Welcome to the Chopping Block! A sick little science experiment strictly dedicated to the more recent B Grade Horror, direct-to-video releases! The mission is simple; randomly grab as many B Grade movies as possible each week and review them. I’m going to stay away from “classics”, renting only new releases (preferably movies I haven’t heard anything about), basically taking one for the team and sifting through all the crap so none of you will ever have to. And yeah, I know there’s a ton of crap out there, but I’ve got a sadistic streak a mile wide and an unflinching vision that all horror is good horror!
When it’s good it stays with you and keeps you up at night, when it’s horrible, it’s funny as hell! Plus, finding that occasional new “cult classic” and spreading the word is totally worth it to me and hopefully to you. So be sure to come by and see what I dig up each week while I’m on this deranged treasure hunt!
So what’s on the Chopping Block this week? A little film by the name of…
The Nun
Directed by: Luis De La Madrid
Released in (on DVD in the US): 2005
Running Time: 105 minutes
Video Case Tagline: Not All Water is Holy…
I picked up “The Nun” simply for its title. I mean, what could be scarier than a nun, much less a demonic one, for that matter? The cover looked somewhat creepy and the story seemed to be pure direct to home video, B-grade goodness. But once I got 15 minutes into the film, I realized that not all was what it seemed. “The Nun” is actually a very polished film, with great acting all around, high production values, great effects and a better than average story line. Having a Lionsgate distribution should’ve tipped me off in the first place, as they continue to make a name for themselves in the mainstream public. But still, I couldn’t help but be a bit surprised. I thought I might’ve stumbled upon another gem!
The story is as follows:
A boarding school for girls is run by a maniacal nun who believes salvation can only be achieved through physical and mental pain and aguish. After year upon year of abuse, the girls have finally had enough and one night, when the nun goes too far with her idea of “discipline”, they strike back and kill her. The movie then picks up twenty years later. The girls are all grown, and now on this 20-year anniversary, someone or something is killing them off one by one. When the daughter of one of the murdered women witnesses an ethereal nun slit her mother’s throat, she goes on the hunt in hopes of saving the remaining women left in the original group, as well as get some answers about her mom and her past. So it’s off to Spain she goes, with a couple of good friends, to the property of the original catholic school, in hopes of stopping whatever is killing these women.
There’s the set up! It’s pretty standard fare, honestly. It’s your basic monster/slasher formula: folks get killed off one at a time, the nun is a spook that travels only via water, there’s a pretty heroine, with beautiful friends, everyone’s rich, yadda yadda. It sounds like it’d be a bore, and, at times, it is, honestly. But what sets this film apart from its colleagues is the way it is presented.
One thing’s for sure, there was definite heart infused into this. This was Luis De La Madrid’s first film (at least it said so in the extras) and the man either has some really talented friends in the business that work for very little, or impressive computer effects have become so easy to put together that anyone one can throw together a nice effects laden movie. There’s not too much gore, but what’s there is nice. You get a decapitation, someone gets burned alive (off screen), a throat gets slashed, one lady gets her arms cut off in a pretty grisly fashion… it’s all pretty standard stuff, but it’s delivered to the screen with such gusto. Seriously, this movie easily looks as though it could’ve played on the big screen.
So the movie looks good! I’m sure you’re getting that. So what about the writing and the storyline? Well, hmmmm…. Let’s see.
The storyline is, for most part, well written and well executed by a host of unknown actors that really elevate the film to heights it has no right to be hanging out in. I mean it IS a film about a demonic nun after all. But everyone involved is determined to make everything high grade and as the last few folks get killed off, you expect the ending to follow suit. But that, my friends, is where this film derails to the point of almost being written off completely.
In the last 15 minutes of the film, there is a twist that makes NO sense at all and completely negates almost everything that came before it. After seeing it, I was scratching my head trying to piece it all together and ultimately, as a viewer, I just came away really, REALLY, pissed off. It’s a shame, really, as the rest of the movie was actually much better or easily as good as a ton of stuff coming out of Hollywood now a’ days.
Why the filmmaker, screenplay writer and actors thought this was a good idea is way beyond me. But that’s what you get! So if you enjoy horror movies where the entirety of the movie is better than average, but the punch line sucks, then by all means, rent “The Nun”. But if that kind of betrayal makes you want to put those guns you’ve been cleaning for that last year or so to good use, then by all means, stay away.
Well, that’s it for this week’s Chopping Block. I’m off to sharpen the cleaver once again, so be sure to come back and see what’s on the block next week!
